Being a parent is a wonderful, rewarding experience, but also a lot of work. A new baby or babies (in case of multiples) will put you through a tough time, where dirty diapers, sleepless nights, and exhaustion may take a toll on your physical and mental wellbeing. There may be many instances where your energy, commitment, and patience will be tested, where you will feel completely helpless. Regardless, being a parent may also make you feel complete and content like never before.
With all these situations becoming your new norm, it is not surprising, to say the least, that a new baby changes the dynamics of your relationship with your partner. Having one or more little humans dependant on you changes the way you interact with each other, often drifting apart in the course of things. While you both may actively be looking after your baby, as months pass by, it is easy to fall into a routine where you don’t have or make time for each other, leaving you both unrecognisable to each other.
So how do you find your way back to your spouse? Some new parents may need some external help, like marriage coaching. Others can try some of these time and tested methods recommended by our resident marriage coach in Dubai.
Speak gently to each other every day
After a tiring sleepless night and an equally exhausting day, you may be triggered even by the smallest of things. But instead of yelling at your partner to empty the diaper pail, start the conversation softly. When you ask your partner to help you out with the baby or house chores, make kinder, gentler requests rather than passive-aggressive retorts. Remember that both of you are adjusting to parenthood and need complete trust and support from your partner. Being gentle with each other goes a long way in keeping your relationship healthy.
Stop and listen
Listening is a skill that marriage coaching teaches every couple regardless of their situation. For new parents, it may even be lifesavers. During the initial days of being new parents, both the partners are new to a lot of things. Some things they know, some they don’t. Mother’s may have some instincts to take care of the baby, while fathers may be more inclined towards providing material comfort. However, both the partners must listen to the other, whether it’s their troubles and frustrations of parenting suggestions. Listening and accepting your partner’s kind words and suggestions will help you work as a team and better care for your baby and your relationship.
Let your partner know when they are right
Acknowledging the things your partner has done right goes a long way in bringing you closer to them. When life with a baby turns all your days into a never-ending to-do list of house and child care chores, the best way to be there for your partner is by cheering for them when they do something right. Appreciate everything, even the smallest help from your partner. Even though it is a simple thing, these small gestures can ignite fondness and happiness in both of you.
Establish conversational boundaries
As new parents, you and your partner may get completely worn out at times. During such situations, even the tiniest of arguments may blow out of proportion. This is called “flooding,” where one or both partners hit the limit of their conversation, and doesn’t know when to stop. This fight-or-flight mode causes conversations to escalate into a major conflict.
To avoid this situation, it is necessary to establish healthy conversational boundaries. When you notice yourself or your partner “flooding” with a flushed face, raised voice, flared nostrils, and increased heart rate, take a time out and move away from the conversation. This will help you take a breather and continue the conversation when you are in a better state of mind.
Takeaway
Parenthood changes your routines, but not you and the person you love. Remember that you and your partner share a deep love and understanding, which is why you decided to have a life together. By welcoming a baby into your family, you will tackle the joys and challenges of parenthood together. If you feel the need for guidance and support to reignite relationships with your partner as new parents, reach out to our marriage coach Roh Hafez at The Hundred Wellness Centre in Dubai.
